Episode 15: All Alone

Recapitulation: Winter Continued

The real name of love is definitely hatred. Hope is the parent of disappointment and despair. Misunderstanding is always the cause of pain.

"Why did you... how could you...do you know what's going to happen?!"

"I'm sorry, calm down. I can handle this."

"No you can't! Didn't I tell you everything? Why would you still do this?!" Isabelle dropped into the couch, not able to stand any longer.

"It'll be fine." Jay sat down next to her trying to comfort her. "Maybe they won't look into it that much and won't find out." 

            In a small, private back room, Jay, Isabelle, Uncle Chin, and Chin Lu waited. They waited for some brilliant idea to strike them as to what they should do. The paparazzi raged outside the little room.

"Find out what?!" Chin Lu's angry voice boomed. "Are you hiding something else?" Isabelle took a deep breath. I have to tell them, she thought. Maybe they can help me. Without looking them in the eyes, she told them.

"That's great. That's just great. As if Jay kissing you in public isn't enough trouble to deal with" Chin Lu threw his hands in the air. "Chin Ye, this is your problem. I'll take care of Jay. The paparazzi is bound to find out sooner or later about Isabelle though. I'd say you'd have one day at most before it leaks out. Are you prepared for this?" Isabelle began to feel terrified.

"No. No they can't. Please. Isn't there anything you can do? Call them? Talk to them?" she started to panic. She needed a chance to tell Evie, Karin, everyone. She didn't want them to know she had been lying to them. She didn't want them to be angry.

"It's not that easy..."Uncle Chin looked the most serious Isabelle had ever seen him. "Why did you decide not to tell anyone? Why the secrecy?"

Isabelle knew that everyone would be asking her this now, but she didn't quite know how to answer it yet.

"Come on. Let's get out of here. We can think this through once we get back." Chin Lu turned to walk toward the door. Jay helped Isabelle off the couch, but Isabelle's mind wasn't thinking about him. All she could think about were her friends, hoping they would still accept her. And for some reason, she kept thinking of Hendrick, hoping that he would be ok.

Chin Lu slowly opened the door, and Isabelle braced herself for the cameras and shouting that would burst through. But the sound was much different than they expected. There were no shouts for Jay. There was no demand to know why he did what he had just done on stage. He seemed to be invisible. There were only shouts for,

"Isabelle! Isabelle! Over here! Is it true your real name is Yang Fenghuang?"

"Is it true you're the daughter of previously famous classical pianist Yang Chun Hwa?"

"Why have you been hiding under an alias? How come you haven't come forth to the public?"

Isabelle felt her heart drop into her guts. They already knew. She felt her knees grow weak as the shouts and accusations towards her grew louder and louder.

_____

"Oh my god. Karin, Raj, Hendrick. Come over here. Look at this." Evie turned up the volume on the tv and an attractive American news reporter started speaking.

"This New Years eve has brought much more exciting news in the Chinese music industry than this entire past year. Here we see rock star sensation Jay, who was brought to a conference regarding his discrepancies, confirming our suspicions about his cheating on actress Cera Chan. At today's press conference he openly admitted his relationship with classical musician, Isabelle Young, was more than a close friendship, showing his love for her with a sensual kiss for the reporters at the conference. However, this has not proven to be the most shocking news yet. This kiss naturally raised a panic amongst the reporters and many investigators leapt into action to figure out, who exactly is Isabelle Young? And our efforts have been fruitful. Isabelle Young, once known as Yang Fenghuang before her adoption by her grandparents from the United States, is the daughter of Yang Chun Hwa, well known, world-wide, classical pianist before her early death at the age of 35 from a brain aneurysm. At the time of her death, all that was released about the child left behind was the adoption by her grandparents and departure from China. Now she has resurfaced as Isabelle Young, and is following in her mother's footsteps as a classical pianist. Will she be able to become as rich and famous as her mother was? But an even more jolting question, why did she keep her heritage a secret for the past year that she had returned? Thank you for watching Hot Topic news. This is..." Evie turned the TV off, and turned to look at her friends.

"Did you guys know?" She asked, voice shaking. Everyone silently shook their heads. "Why didn't she tell us? Yang Chun Hwa is her mom?!! I grew up listening to her music recordings and watching her concerts and reruns on tv! And Isabelle is..." Evie felt a tingling of jealousy start to creep through her body.

"She vanted to use zat as an advantage! She vanted to vait until our final performance, and tell everyone, and zen everyone vould love her and vant her to succeed." Karin said angrily, "She sinks she can beat us with her mothzers name."

"I don't think that's what she was going to do." Hendrick tried to calm down Karin and Evie who were starting to bicker about Isabelle. "She must have a reason for not telling us."

"What reason could she have? We were her friends! Why couldn't she tell us?!" Evie's voice was strained, trying to hold in her need to yell.

"She probably doesn't want all this publicity..." Hendrick tried.

"I have to try zo hard to get here," Karin said darkly, eyes cast down at the floor, "And she gets all of zis attention and fame because of her mothzer. Uncle Chin probably know too. She probably uzed her mothzer's name to be here in ze first place."

"What are you talking about? We've all heard her play! She's amazing." Hendrick defended Isabelle, but Karin was walking away, not listening. "Evie, come on, I know she didn't mean to keep it a secret." But even Evie had stopped listening and strut out of the room. Turning desperately to Raj, Hendrick tried to plead with him. Raj only shrugged, a sad look in his eyes, but turned to follow Evie.

            Hendrick sighed and turned the TV back on. More pictures of Isabelle and her mother flashed across the news. "I'm here for you." Hendrick whispered as he flipped through channel after channel, finding the same news on every one.

______

            Karin dug furiously through a large box she kept in the back of her closet. Pulling out an old, dusty envelope, she sat down on the floor, leaning against a wall. She lifted the flap and pulled out the yellowed, aged Polaroid photo.  A little girl who looked just like Karin was smiling in the photo, with two people standing behind her, arms around her shoulders. "I must have only been three." Karin thought. This was the only photo she had with her parents where she was smiling. "It's before it all started." Karin slowly tucked the picture away, and leaned her head back against the wall, closing her eyes, and letting herself go back in her past to her fourth birthday.

            "Happy birthday, Karin! Look what mommy and daddy got you!"  There stood a small, upright piano in the little family room. The keys were yellowed, the wood finish chipped, the bench too high and covered in a layer of dust, but to her parents the piano meant the world to them. They saved for it before Karin was even born. Now a little more than four years later, they spent everything they could to buy it. Even in its poor condition, the piano seemed to create a majestic atmosphere in the tiny, run-down house that Karin and her parents called home.

____

            "Can I go play now?" Karin sat on the piano bench, a pout on her lips. "You've only practiced for half an hour." Her mother said sternly. She sat in a chair placed right next to the piano and watched as Karin practiced every day. "But my teacher says since I'm only five I only have to do 30 minutes!" Karin stood up and started to leave. "Sit back down! I didn't say you could stop. You can stop when I say." Karin was frightened by her mother's glare and sat back down. She pulled her short, chin length blond curls behind her ears and put her small hands back on the keys.

______

"Can I be finished now?" Karin flipped her shoulder length hair behind her. "Your teacher told me you need at least two hours of practice every day before you can perform with the older kids." Her mother said casually, not looking up from her knitting. "But why can't I play with other 7 year olds?" Karin whined. "Because you're better than other 7 year olds!" Her mother snapped, giving her the usual glare that sent Karin back to practicing.

______

"Do I have to change teachers?" Karin played with the ends of her hair the stretched down to her elbows. With her usual cold glare her mom snapped, "Do you want to learn from an amateur forever? We're taking you to a professional teacher. You're 10 now, you need to start improving or else it'll be too late for you."   "But can we even afford a professional teacher?"  "Barely. So you better not waste our money and disappoint us. Keep practicing."

_______

"What if I don't win?" Karin carefully brushed her waist-length hair back into a ponytail. "Do you want us to live like beggars for the rest of our lives?" Her mother stared fiercely into her eyes. "No..." "Then you have to win. You'll win a new piano, money, and most importantly, attention. You'll be in the newspapers, and soon we won't have to live here anymore. Look, we even bought you this pretty dress. Do you know how much we spent on it? Come on, let's go. You're going to win."

"Mom! Dad! I'm sorry! I did my best!! The other girl was older! She's been playing longer than me! Please, don't be angry. I practiced so hard! You know I did!" Tears streamed down from her blue eyes, running down her cheeks and neck.

"Who's dress do you think you're wearing?" Her father's voice boomed in their small living room. "Tell her to take it off and return it. I'm not spending any of my money on her." Shaking his head, a disgusted look on his face, he turned away from Karin as she dropped to the ground in a crying scream.

"Stand up!" Her mother screamed at her. When she didn't stand, her mother grabbed her long ponytail and dragged her to her feet and into her room. "Take off the dress!"

"Mom, I'm sorry. Please, I tried!" She sobbed as she unbutton her dress.

"You tried? We spend so much money for your lessons, for anything you want. I watch you practice, I go to all your lessons and recitals. What more do we have to do for you?!"

"I don't want you to watch me practice or go to my lessons! I don't want you to spend so much money on me!"

"Why?! So you can spend more money on your hair?" She grabbed Karin's ponytail in her fist and shook it, making Karin scream and cry even more. "You spend so much time brushing your hair, why don't you practice piano?! You think you can make money with pretty hair?!"

"Let go!" Karin tried wrestling out of her mom's hold but couldn't. Pulling her to the kitchen by her hair, her mother grabbed a pair of scissors out of the kitchen drawer. "No! Mom! Stop! Please no!"

"You don't want to practice? You don't want to play piano? You don't want to win? You want to be poor?!"

_____

"Happy birthday 13th birthday Karin." Karin whispered to herself as she tossed the long, severed ponytail into the fireplace. The hair sizzled up in a little puff of smoke, sending a repulsive smell into the hair. The sun had set and the street lights had turned on, the fire burned on, giving Karin a little light. Not wanting to waste electricity, she relied on the glow of the fire to practice. And so by the fire's light, she practice late into the night, not stopping to rest, not stopping to think, because if she had time to think, she might think she wanted to stop.

_____

"Congratulations, Karin. You're the youngest pianist, at the age of 16, to win this award. You'll be receiving a 2000 Euro prize, and a brand new grand piano. How are you feeling?"

"I...uh...I'm very happy I suppose.  I have worked very hard for this, so I'm happy it's paid off." Karin nervously tucked her short hair behind her ear, smiling uneasily at the cameras. The reporter continued blabbering into the microphone.

"Isn't this great?" Karin's mother marveled at the new apartment they were moving into. "Nothing's falling apart, there's a beautiful piano in the middle of the room." She sighed as she took in the view.

"I'm glad you're happy mom." Karin smiled weakly, a small smile was all she could muster these days.

"Happy?" Her mom's voice turned sour instantly. "You think I'm happy right now? I've merely been satisfied for the time being. I won't be happy until you're world famous and we live in one of those fancy penthouses in New York. What are you doing still standing there? The piano's been delivered here for two hours now, why aren't you practicing?"

______

Karin placed the envelope back into its place at the bottom of the box, under the pile of numerous newspaper clippings. Each one from a local, city, or even national newspaper. Her name seemed to shine out from the yellowing papers.

"I vork my entire life, starting from ze bottom to get here. And she...she instantly becomes famous because of her mothzer. She gets more attention than me becauze of her mothzer. No. I von't let her. I von't let her vin."

______

 "They just...don't know how to react is all." Jay put his arm over Isabelle's shoulder, trying to comfort her.

"They won't even come out to talk to me." small tears began rolling down Isabelle's cheeks.

"I wasn't trying to use my mom's fame to gain any attention...to gain anything! Why do they think I'm like that?"

"Because you're all competing against each other remember? Only a select few of you get invited to join the company. And they think you're going to use this as a way to get ahead of them and insure a spot for you." Jay stroked her hair, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

"What am I going to do?" Isabelle turned her head in toward Jay, wanting him to magically fix her problem.

"Let them think what they want. You know the truth, who cares what they think? Forget about them. Just go after your dream." He answered fiercely, his own past flashing through his head.

"I can't just do that!" Isabelle protested, slightly pulling away to look at Jay. "I want them to know the truth. I want them to understand. I can't just throw my friends away because they don't know what I'm going through!"

"Why do you care so much? If they really cared about you, they wouldn't ignore you like that. They've thrown you away!" Jay started getting angry, images of his father burned in his mind's eye.

"You don't understand. I'm not like you. I've already lost everyone important to me once in my life already. I don't want to lose anyone ever again. Especially not over a misunderstanding." Isabelle stood up and walked to her door, opening it for Jay to leave.

"Why can't you just let it go?" Jay stood up and faced her. "You'll be happier. You don't need anyone holding you back. I'm here for you. Taiyo, Da-ge, Lao Hu, we're all here for you. We know the truth, we're all you need."

"Jay, you have to stop comparing this situation to what happened with your father!" Isabelle couldn't help but shout a little. "Just because some relationships break or something difficult happens, doesn't mean you can just throw it away! Have you tried talking to your dad? Have  you tried fixing the problem? I know he still loves you, even if he's harsh, he still..."

"Don't talk about my father!" Jay shouted, his dark eyes seemed to ice over in anger as he stared down at Isabelle. "He disowned me. Took away my name, took away everything. All of our parents did. But we didn't need them. We had each other! Why can't you get that?!"  

Isabelle just shook her head. "No. You don't get it." Jay stared at her in disbelief for another moment and stormed out the door. Isabelle stood in the doorway, tearfully watching him leave. He stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned to look back.

"Isabelle. You're not alone."

She couldn't answer. She looked out at Jay, the one person who knew her heart and loved it, but for some reason, she still felt the cold chill of being alone. Without another word, she turned and walked back into her room, quietly closing the door behind her, and leaning her back against it she slowly slid down to sit curled up on the ground, head on her knees.

 For what seemed like hours, but in reality only twenty minutes, a knock came on the door behind her. Jumping up in hope, she turned around to open it. Hendrick stood in front of her, a little out of breath, pushing his large glasses up, short sandy hair blown awry.

"Hendrick." Isabelle's voice cracked, trying not to sob at how happy she was that someone was speaking to her.

"Isabelle. I'm so sorry, I had to go out for a while. I heard...the news...I...you... are you ok?"  His brown eyes searched hers, filled with true worry and some tears. Isabelle couldn't hold back the tears anymore. They ran down her face, and she let out a small hiccup.

"Oh, no. Please. Please don't cry." Hendrick quickly pulled Isabelle into his arms and hugged her, letting her sob into his shoulder.

"Thank you. Thank you for talking to me. It's not true, what they think. But they won't listen." She managed to say coherently. Hendrick gently pulled back a little to look Isabelle in the eye.

"Don't worry. We'll fix this. I'll help you clear it all up ok? I'm here for you. You're not alone."

Even though Isabelle barely knew Hendrick, the truth in his eyes and the strength of his arms made her believe. For some reason, for the first time in a long time, she finally felt like she wasn't alone.

Misunderstanding is always the cause of pain.
~Isabelle